सोमवार, मई 28, 2012

मेरा पैगाम .......

आज मौका मिल ही गया | अपनी आत्मा से किये हुए, खुद के साक्षात्कारों को अपने ब्लॉग पर प्रस्तुत करने का | बहुत सयम से एकत्रित अपने विचारों को, अपनी सोच को जो मैंने अपने कंप्यूटर में सहेज कर रखे हुए थे उन्हें अपने इस ब्लॉग के माध्यम से आपके समक्ष रूबरू करवाने का | मेरी सोच का एक आइना, मेरे जीवन के कटु सत्यों को, अपने आप से पूछे सवालों को, मेरे ज़मीर से निकले जवाबों को, मेरी अपनी लेखनी के माध्यम से और इस ब्लॉग के ज़रिये आप के दिलों तक पहुचने का एक छोटा सा प्रयास | आज दिल को फिर थोडा सुकून मिला | शायद कुछ और लोग भी हैं जिन्हें इसके माध्यम से सोचने का एक मौका मिले और वो भी मेरी इस सोच से इत्तेफाक रखने का प्रयत्न करें | शुभ रात्रि .... आज फिर एक बार चैन से सो सकूंगा .... 

At Last...Wires are gone...

After years and years of hearing about wi-fi enabled homes, today I am staying in one!
Hopefully, that means that I can now be 'online' at the comfort of my bed.

And hopefully that will translate into frequent posts.

Am not sure if any of you are glad to hear this, but I am..

I get so many ideas.. I wish to write but then I get lazy.

So now with wi-fi, I have only less excuse!

:-) .. cheers to my new wi-fi posts!

Meaning of Life...

"meaning to life ?
you are the problem
and the solution too
and everything that lies between
is also you
and so goes on
the endless struggle
to find meaning to life "

read these lines somewhere and remembered them... awesome lines


मुझे रबिन्द्रनाथ टगोर की यह पंक्तियाँ बेहद पसंद हैं ....

"Jaha chai, taha bhul kore chai. Jaha pai, taha chai naa."

Which mean, "What I want, I want by mistake. What I get, is something I dont want".

इसी तरह मैं जिंदगी में जो चाहता था वोह मुझे मिला नहीं, और जो जिंदगी मैं जी रहा हूँ वो मैं चाहता नहीं था |

यही जिंदगी का असल चेहरा है .....

जिंदगी के सवाल ....

जिंदगी के सवालों के जवाब ढूँढने चला
जवाबों में सवालों का बुना जाल ही मिला
सवाल ही सवाल हैं
नहीं सूझती कोई गली
शायद तू हाथ थाम ले मेरा
तेरे हाथ की कमी बहुत खली ....

A Thought : Quiet or Silent ???

Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it.

Life is strange...Never Perfect...!!!

Too much work, and I am bugged.
No work at all, and I am bored!!

'Touch' is all i need..

I was thinking why people get restless? Maybe it is because they have a desire which is unfulfilled or incomplete.

Then i came to think of the very clichéd question of what is it that I cant live without. And knocking off illegal answers like Books/Music/Food/Water/Air/Sleep/Computers and the likes.. I roughly figured out that it is 'Touch' that I can not do without.

By touch I mean that the real feeling of being loved or loving is not enough - I need presence just as much. I need to feel love and affection under my fingertips.

I don’t know if I am being juvenile in saying this. I am totally aware of truths like - "The one who looks outside dreams, and the one who looks inside awakens", but till the time I dont reach to a level where I can honestly say that I need nothing, not even myself, I would want to believe that it is Touch for me.

Dreamer..... am i ?

"Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart."

"What truly is logic, who decides reason? My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found. I am only here tonight because of you. You are all I am. You are all my reasons."

- from the motion picture, A Beautiful Mind

Is it Normal ? Is it ?

I am getting sooo bored lately that I went into "Chutti kab hogi" mode. Checked the time, fuck its just 2 am in the morning and so many more hours to go and that munna bhai song started playing in my head 'Pal pal pal pal ... kaise katega har pal..' .. I minimized all active windows on my desktop and sat staring blankly at my workstation and just then i noticed - I have the same black wall paper on my PC every single day of the month which I never change and I am doing the same kind of work everyday. Hardly have any interesting people around, nothing new to do, hardly give time to myself and my loved ones, Don't have any more friends left to whom i can visit and enjoy. No love life left nor the lover. My life is totally gone in a dead mode. Think about it. Anyone would be bored with this. This discovery doesnt really make things interesting however, but at least its interesting to know that I am totally normal :|. Sigh.. Stagnation!!

R U Listening ???

What do I have to do to get your attention ?

Take out an ad in the newspaper??

Now I hate Love ???

Have u ever been in love?
Horrible, isnt it.
It makes u vulnerable, it opens up your chest and it opens up ur heart and it means someone can get inside u and mess u up.
You build up all these defences. You build up this armor for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.
You give them a piece of you, they don’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you and then your life isnt your own anymore.
Love takes hostages, it gets inside you. It eats you up and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a single phrase like “its over” or “I don’t love you anymore” turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart and gut.
How picturesque.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination, not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.
I hate love.

---- Niel Gaiman

Hurt the VAIN or PAIN ?

I really don't know but still ask me every time if its good, fine or ok to fall out of love ?

Has it ever happened that sometimes when you pursue something or someone for so long that you eventually start feeling that you don’t need it anymore?

Slowly the truth seeps in, though quite disbelievingly, that at one point of time when you thought that there was no way you could do without this one thing in your life, now does not affect you.

That sometimes a tiny gesture or even the feeling of possessing it gave you an adrenalin rush but now slowly you cease to feel it.

Not that you don’t feel any thing about it anymore, but its just that it hurts more than it feels nice. Not the thought but the retropection still brings goose pimples on your skin. You feel the slitting pain - like blood gushing out of a deep wound when your skin is pale and cold. Like its drops of blood on a satin white sheet. And you see your life dreams shatter away.

You get disillusioned – you are not sure if you would want to have the desire again, if you would feel the same child like excitement for it again, ever in your life.

But the only constant part of life is that it moves on. It goes on and on, irrespective of how wrecked you feel – how weak you think you have become.

As Robert Frost wrote in a very famous poem of his, “And I have miles to go, before I sleep”.

हज़ारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी की हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले

मिर्ज़ा साब की लिखी इन पंक्तियों का असल मतलब आज मेरे रूबरू हुआ है जब जिंदगी से जुड़े कुछ ऐसे अहम किरदारों ने भी बेवजह बड़ी ही बेतकुल्लफी से मेरे दिल को तोड़ कर मेरे ख्वाबों, ख्वाहिशों और जज्बातों को बेज़ार और तार तार कर के रख दिया | उन किरदारों के रवईये से यह साफ़ ज़ाहिर था के दिली-मुरव्वत और बेपनाह मोहब्बत की ख्वाइशें के असल मायेने क्या होते हैं और किसी के किसी के लिए बेपनाह मोहब्बत के जज्बातों की कद्र और कीमत क्या होती है यह उन्हें कभी एहसास न हो सका था और न हो सकता है और न कभी हो सकेगा | काश कोई मुझे और मेरे दिल को पढ़ सकता कोई तो ऐसा होता जो मुझे समझ सकता |

पर  मेरी मोहब्बत और मेरी ख्वाहिशों का बयां हमेशा वही रहेगा जो रहा था और वही काफ़िर सनम उन सपनो और जज्बातों में रहेगा जो हमेशा रहा है | दुनिया के बदलने से अगर मैं भी बदल जाऊंगा तो दुनिया में और मेरे में क्या फर्क रह जायेगा .......... काश कोई होता !!!!!!!!!!

हज़ारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी की हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले,
बहुत निकले मेरे अरमान लेकिन फिर भी कम निकले ।

निकलना खुल्द से आदम का सुनते आये हैं लेकिन,
बहुत बेआबरू हो कर तेरे कूचे से हम निकले ।

मुहब्बत में नही है फर्क जीने और मरने का,
उसी को देख कर जीते हैं जिस काफिर पे दम निकले ।

ख़ुदा के वास्ते पर्दा ना काबे से उठा ज़ालिम,
कहीं ऐसा ना हो यां भी वही काफिर सनम निकले ।

क़हाँ मैखाने का दरवाज़ा 'ग़ालिब' और कहाँ वाइज़,
पर इतना जानते हैं कल वो जाता था के हम निकले।