I Seriously Miss You

I miss you
Can you hear my heart calling you?
Can you hear my soul scream?
Can you see the desperation in my face
When you say I won‘t see you again?
Can you feel the tears
That fall like summer rain?
I miss you
I miss the conversation
And all the easy laughs
I miss the way we used to sit
And watch the people pass
I miss my best friend
And all the times we had
I miss all the jokes we’d make
About the latest fad
I could talk to you about anything
There weren’t any taboos
I could tell you everything
My deep-est thoughts you knew
If you ever wonder
Let the knowledge ring through
Know that immersed in my heart
I miss you...

LOVE is not FAIR

I don't know what to do
You like me and I like you
But somehow you’re with him
You say it’s been awhile
And he's serious with you
But do you love him?
Does he love you?
Like I do?
I don't know what to do
I don't want you to feel pressured
But I don't see how it's fair
When you like me
And I like you

So that's why i say

LOVE is not FAIR

Neither to me

Nor to you...

Lonliness

Solitude used to be so special
till you came between us.

I think of you when I'm with her
and she knows that I do.

And it's not the same any more.
Nor can it ever be.

यह मेरा दिल बावरा

एक अरसे से बंद दीवारों में है पड़ा
यह मेरा दिल बावरा...
खुशियों की रौशनी मंद किये
साँसों के उलझते शोर में
ज़िन्दगी की सिलवटें  गिन रहा
यह मेरा दिल बावरा...
काश जग जाये थोड़ी देर को
ख्वाइशों को होने दे जवान
जी ले ज़िन्दगी फ़िर से
यह मेरा दिल बावरा...
पिघ्लेंगी उमंगें फ़िर से
इस काली सियाह रात में
और जवान होगा समां
फ़िर साँसों की आग में
बूँद बूँद लूँगा समेट
उन लम्हों को मैं इस तरह
बस सुबह फ़िर से नाराज़ न हो मुझसे
यह मेरा दिल बावरा... 

True Love is Really Hard to Find........

I often say to myself that i am going to start looking for love again or will i get a "True Love" again ? But every time same thing happens when i search it without giving it a chance to find me. "True Love" is indeed very hard to find in life, but what i feel is that is because it is not meant to be found. I think i don't have the power to control it when this powerful force of true love came into my life. I feel love is not that kind of emotion. It's wild, exciting, uncontrollable, irresistible, unmanageable, dense, free, frantic, freaking awesome, indocile, indomitable, insuppressible, intractable, irrepressible, lawless, like a loose cannon, mad, obstinate, recalcitrant, strong, savage, uncontainable, undisciplinable, undisciplined, ungovernable, unmanageable, unrestrainable, unruly, violent........ But it wants to find me! That's what make it unique and in form and oh so challenging.

Most of the times when i look for something i never find it. But, when i am NOT looking for it...it seems to be staring at me right there in my face. That is how the cycle of my life works for some odd reasons. Mostly people find love when they are not looking for it or not trying to get it. In most of the movies and love stories, people talk about how they were going about routines in life or business when all of a sudden they happened to meet something whom they ended up being 'the one'. The never went out looking or searching, it just happened by change. I don't feel the same way because it never happened with me.

Again, this True Love can be a powerful force. I strongly feel that it has a mind of its own. Something I believe to be very potent. It really has the power to bring people together in most unlikely situations, but can also tear them apart if jealousy or obsession creeps in. It could bring out the worst and the best in us all, or cause us to do crazy things we didn't image ourselves doing. I seriously don't wanna scare anyone buy I'm sure some of us may have a story or two that we could always sit around and share.

True love had found me once. I met this girl years back, she was so sweet. She would do anything and everything to make me happy, but i was not ready for her. She wanted to build a life long relationship. This girl was so loving and caring and was everything a man could dream of! She seemed to have so much patience with me and how stubborn I was at times that it completely blew me away. I was honestly so stupid at that time. I thought to myself now "How could she put up with me, and manage to stick by my side?" "No matter what i say of do, she never gets mad or argue one bit." Then one day she told me that she really love me a lot. She wanted to marry me, and assumed I felt the same way. During that time something very tragic happened with me and i lost all my confidence and was out of my mind. So i think it was too early for me to accept all this. I was not really ready for all this. All i could say was that i really, really cared for her, but i was not able to commit. Yes, i truly loved her but not "in love." And one day i quit. The worst ever thing i could do to myself was this. I could tell that she was hurt from the tears in her eyes. All i could say was this girl is in love for real. I still feel bad, feel like a criminal, cursed for breaking her heart, but i still don't know was it was the right thing to do or was it not ? because if i had lied saying i felt the same, it would only be pretending which was not fair to her or her heart. But maybe if i would have shared everything with her at that moment and have discussed with her what i was going through might be today my days would have been something else as they are off now. I still sit sometimes all alone and feel and think "Kaash woh mere sath hoti". But no she is gone.  She must have been with me in my life. So, because of my one fault and stupidity i lost my "True Love" and never found it again in my life. Compromising at every step is now a part of my life.

Overall, what i feel is that true love can come when you least expect it. You don't have to go looking for it because it will find you at the right time and at the right place. That is God's plan. Sometimes, it's better to let it find you because if you try to hard, you may find yourself in a fucked up situation. When you become anxious and impatient you end up selling yourself short. Everyone has there own time for love. Don't compare yourself to your friends or your buddies. Take your time and do thing right is what i feel. Go about your life and live it the best way you can. You'll attrach love when you simply do what you need to do and stay focused. But when it does find you, and it will, Smile Brightly inside saying to yourself....."What took you so long, I've been expecting you!".......Much love and remember to keep your faith in your True Love and always "Keep it trustful, erotic, playful, lustful, sexful and SEXIIIIIIII!!!!!"

I Am Yours

Do you want to close your eyes ?
and welcome every new sensation ?
Do you want me to regain
all your strength,to let you dive
in this purely beautiful game...
I am in you and you like every move
I give to serve you.
You are whispering my name
and I soon will end this
far from alright too hard time
you need to slowly cum.
I will welcome
your first tears
your first shivers
as you shout
that all your fears
are forgotten
and at last
you are mine -
and I am yours.

Little Personal Paradise

Sometimes I like to sit in the dark
in the quiet
and just think
let my mind wander
away from life as it is
to what it can be
to cast aside responsibilities
just for a time
and ease into the place
that makes me happy
smiling inside and out
to smell the fresh air
or sip some beer
some dryfruits
rajma chawal
feeling those exotic dreams
i see
a movie or porn with popcorn
or namkeen
as it blows my worries away
leaving me
bare, exposed, unapologetic, free
in my own little personal paradise

Where ?

Where were you when I couldn’t sleep
Where were you when I couldn’t eat
Where were you when my heart died
Where were you when my eyes cried
The rain of my tears, cleansed my bleeding heart stains
The pen on the paper, delivered me from the games
Where were you through the drills
Where were you through the shakes and the chills
Where were you when I went through withdrawal
Where were you when I was curled up like a ball
The dark shielded my eyes, caused sleep
The sonnets released my pain, gave relief
Where were you, after breaking my heart?
Where were you, after tearing me apart?
Where were you? Unearthed? Found?
And what do you want from me now?

Now i always feel she will ask me this
But

Where is she when i feel all this
Where is she when i feel this wish
Where is she when my heart calls her
Where is she when my tears falls for her
Where is she when i want to love her better
Where is she when i will care for every matter
Where is she when i want to hold her closer
Where is she when i want to surrender
Where is she when i want to give commitments
Where is she when i want her passion
Where is she when i now needs compassion
Where is she ? Where is she ?

Will I ?

Will I embarrass you if I ask if I could make love to you?
I will lay you down on a bed of rose petals made just for us two

Will I cause you to blush as I remove your clothes?
I will look you in the eyes, and then kiss you on your nose

Will I cause you to close your eyes when I kiss your lips?
I will pull you real close, my hands holding your hips

Will I cause you to shiver as I kiss you from head to feet?
I will pause for a moment at intervals, to admire your beauty and greet

Will I cause you to tremble as I taste the essences of your love?
I will create a synergy between our worlds as I release and free your dove

Questions I am asking because this is what I want to do
Make love to you all day and night, with unbridled passion that is true...

Please Stay

Now you will think that what has happened to me in this very first day of the new year. Have i gone wild,dirty and insane ? So its right here that I’ve been struggling with the muses for years now, and last night I forced myself to mess with words until I had something. It’s not much, but it’s not nothing either. And this first day of this new year is what i felt the right moment to express myself so that this year i would have more dreams - hopefully with....

Fingers too twitchy
to put keys to keyboard
wanting to dig 'deep'
into your flesh
typed with impressions
bruises of grip

Body too tense
to vocalize desire
wanting to pierce
to cum into you
the totality of
my need

Word-deserted
I speak instead
with concussions
The sharp sound
of bodies
in impact

Read what I can’t write
Hear what I can’t say
And stay

Please Stay

The Endless Search

Literally love this poem which i read some tym back.  It comes under erotic poetry and i am seriously a big fan of this kind of erotic writing. Hats off to the poet's vision, thought, the depth over sex, love and eroticness in human life.

Seeing myself as some integral part
of  all that looks to love as a solution,
aching to find significance of the heart
and puzzled by its threatened dissolution.

Trying to preserve the present  wastes
our time and effort.  Change isn’t tradable,
whether  memories  of a lover’s tastes
or  his desire for you,  it’s not evadable.

In our city’s waste of streets and houses
huddling  behind our walls and fences
we miss the presence of  our hoped for spouses
cut off from love by our own  defences.

Yet there’s a need that can not be denied
as each one needs to find a mate
a lover or a mistress from outside,
to end the loneliness of staying celibate.

मेरे सवाल

कभी कभी सोचता हूँ
क्या इंसान इतना मसरूफ़ भी हो सकता है
के वो हँसना मुस्कराना तक भूल जाये
किसी अपने अज़ीज़ को याद करने के लिए भी
उसके पास वक़्त नहीं होता
क्या आज रिश्तों को भी धोया जाने लगा है ?
क्या रिश्तों की वोह गर्माहट जो मुझे महसूस होती है
उसके दिल में भी कोई ऐसी आग से तपिश होती होगी ?
कुछ पल दिल इन बातों को नहीं मानता
लेकिन
कुछ पल बाद खुद ही जवाब दे देता है
शायद यही सच है...यही ज़िन्दगी का कड़वा सच है
आज के दौर में यही मुकाम रह गया है रिश्तों का...

तेरी गुलाब की पंखुडियां...

आज तक महकती हैं
तेरे दिए गुलाब की कलियाँ
मेरे अंतरंग अंतर्मन में
खुलती हथेलियों में
जब गुलाब की पंखुडियां
अलसाई सी आंख खोलती हैं
तब मदमाती, लहराती,
मदहोश कर जाती 
महकती गुलाब की भीनी सुगंधी सी 
तू आती है
हर सांझ
बनते हैं कई किरदार मेरी कल्पनाओं में
बनते हैं, बिगड़ते हैं
रह जाती है तू
और वही
तेरी गुलाब की पंखुडियां...

उस दिन

उस रोज़
इन गुलाबों की महक यूँ न होगी
तेरी शोख हंसी की खनक यूँ न होगी
ख्वाबों से भरे दो नैनों की चमक यूँ न होगी
तितलियों सा रंग तेरा यूँ न होगा
तेरी मीठी बोली की चहक यूँ न होगी
अल्हड़ इस जवानी की छनक यूँ न होगी
उस दिन
स्याह से सफ़ेद बालों का सफ़र यहाँ होगा
चमकते चेहरे का झुर्रियों से सामना होगा
और यह तेज़ कदम कुछ सुस्त होंगे
उस दिन 
मगर उन झुर्रियों में भी यही नूर होगा
ढलती आँखों में भी इस इश्क का यही सुरूर होगा
शायद यह सपना मेरा तभी आबाद होगा
सांझ ढले मेरे हाथों में तेरा हाथ होगा
तेरा मेरा ये साथ यह अब जन्मों का साथ होगा.....
तेरा मेरा ये साथ यह अब जन्मों का साथ होगा.....

Thought

No life can be the same again
with loss of one so dear...
my heart is always yours my friend
your sadness is my tear...

Will You Come ?

while I struggle to find myself
trillions thoughts puts flowers in my mind
after months, years out of contact
a friend calls on my cell
with unspoken pain in her voice
i just listend and asked

will you come?

if you’ll come,
i’ll be resting in une roseraie,
gowned in shades of rosy petals
lying on the bed of romantic roses

if you’ll come
i’ll hear you through the mango trees
that weave the skies like timber lace
or make tasty food

if you’ll come
i call to you past funnel-clouds
the way a cuckoo boasts with chatter
and beats his happy wing

if you’ll come
i’ll drape myself across your soul
the way the river rushes stones,
until their jaggedness is smooth

if you come
i’ll sing a thousand songs, sweet
as butterflies that land on naked shoulders
on a rainy days

if you’ll come to me
i’ll know my days were half the sum,
an interlude with death, when born again
on the day you come.

मेरा घर

शाहजहानाबाद के दिल में बसा

सुकून-ओ-अमन-चैन से परे 

शोरगुल के दरमियाँ

एक दिलकश इलाके में

एक उजडती बेनूर पुरानी हवेली

दीवारों पर बारिश के बनाये नक़्शे 

इधर उधर पान की पीकों की सजावट

और मेरे माज़ी की यादें इधर उधर

काई बनकर हरी हो रही हैं रोज़

एक जानी पहचानी सी ख़ामोशी

वो अंधेरों में भी गुज़रते सायों का एहसास

गमलों के पौधों के पत्तों के बीच

चहल कदमी करते चूहे

जगह जगह फर्श पर जंगली कबूतरों की बीट की सजावट

इन सबके बीच 

छोटा सा टुकड़ा आसमान का

और उस आसमान में

पिघलते काजल सी सियाह रात का कोना पकडे 

बादलों के बीच से गुज़रता चाँद

पहले भी ऐसे ही आता था मेरे घर

बारिश के बाद की मंद गर्मी में

छज्जे पर खड़े 

मैं 

यूँ ही ख्वाब बुना करता था

दीवारों से लिपटे पीपल के

दरीचों के साए में

तुम्हे भी याद किया करता था

सर्दियों की सीप सी सर्द रातों में

नर्म दूब के बिछोने पर

अक्सर मेरा जिस्म तपा करता था

तेरे जाने से भी कुछ नहीं बदला था

तेरे आने से भी कुछ नहीं बदला है

आज फिर रात भी वही है

और चाँद भी वही आया है

और आज भी वही तपिश 

सीने में जल रही है

मैं वीरान घर के बरामदे में

खामोश खड़ा

महसूस करता हूँ

वोह तेरे आगोश की तपिश

सहर होने तक

और बस यूँ ही

बन जाते हैं यह आसमानी सितारे 

सियाह रात की कालिख में जड़े सितारे

लफ्ज़ बन उठते हैं अपने आप

लिख जाते हैं हर रात एक कविता

मेरे दिल का हाल 

यही है मेरे दिल की दास्तान 

यही है मेरे दिल की दास्तान

कोई था

कोई था कभी जो कहता था के अगर याद आये तो आधी रात को भी बेजिझक याद कर लेना | आज याद आई तो वो भी आँख चुरा कर निकल लिया | कन्नी काट ली उसने भी | हो सकता है उसकी भी कोई मजबूरी रही होगी जो अब उसे भी याद नहीं आती | शिकवा और शिकायत मुझे किसी से नहीं है, शायद इतने बुरे दिन हैं अपने के कोई अब याद करना भी नहीं चाहता | ज़िन्दगी भी न जाने क्या क्या खेल दिखाती है | कभी आकाश का कभी पाताल का नज़ारा करवाती है | कभी ऐसा वक़्त था जब चारो तरफ चहल पहल हुआ करती थी | रोनाकें हुआ करती थी | आज वीरान खालीपन है चारों तरफ | चार दीवारों के बीच ज़िन्दगी बेजान है | ऐसा लगता है जैसे मैं भी मेज़ और कुर्सी की तरह बेजान, कमरे में हूँ और उन चार दीवारी से बातें कर रहा हूँ | अकेलापन और मायूसी से ऐसा नाता जुड़ गया है | चरों ओर का सन्नाटा काट खाने को दौड़ता है | शायद बुरा वक़्त इस को कहते हैं जब कोई साथ नहीं होता | सुना था के बुरे वक़्त में साया भी साथ छोर जाता है पर मुझे इतना तो इत्मिनान है के बस एक मेरा साया ही है आज जो मेरे साथ है | यह वक़्त भी गुज़र जायेगा और मुझे उम्मीद है के एक नई किरण लेकर कभी तो आएगा | इसी उम्मीद के साथ जी रहा हूँ | उस नई सूरज की किरण का इंतज़ार है शायद कभी तो ऐसी सुबह आएगी जो अपने साथ खुशियाँ और प्यार की बरसात से मेरे आंगन को भिगो जाएगी | बस एक इसी उम्मीद के साथ ज़िन्दगी जिए जा रहा हूँ और इस अकेलेपन के अज़ाब को पिए जा रहा हूँ | अगर कहीं खुदा है तो वोह इस इल्तेजा को ज़रूर सुनेगा और मुझपर अपने स्नेह की बरसात ज़रूर करेगा | काश कभी तो वोह पुराने दिन लौट कर आयेंगे | हाँ ज़रूर आयेंगे | मेरा दिल कहता है मेरे से के तू अपने पर भरोसा रख और ज़िन्दगी को जिए जा जिए जा जिए जा |

You Taught Me

Just sitting idle and was enjoying reading some poetry. There i came across this poem full of romance and emotions. Rather than i should say some true and very rare emotions that are not found in today's world. I hope that it will make you think about your thinking about love too...

I wanted a mansion once... that is until I met you,
Now the only place I want to live is inside your heart
I once desired diamonds... until I met you,
Now the only sparkle I need comes from within
I used to crave the finest clothing... until I met you,
Now I want not a single thread to separate our bodies
I once coveted a fancy car... until I met you,
Now I want nothing that would put miles between us
I once prayed for money... until I met you,
Now I want none of the things money can buy
I once yearned for a sense of security... until I met you,
Now my only security comes is knowing you are near
I once dreamt of a prestigious job... until I met you,
Now I find my success in knowing that you are happy
I once asked for the world on a silver platter... until I met you,
Now you are my world and I want for nothing but your touch
Loving you has been my teacher; you taught me not to want
Being with you has been my discovery; you are all that I need
Finding you has been my salvation, I now understand grateful
But perhaps of most importantly...
Your love in return has been my everything

- Teresa Weimer -

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे

दिल धड़कता था जिसके नाम से

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे

सांसें चलती थी जिसके दम से 

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे

आँखें चमकती थी जिसके नूर से 

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे 

ज़िन्दगी जिंदा दिल थी जिसकी रूमानियत से

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे 

कुछ तो ऐसा हुआ जो 

आज कोई नहीं है साथ मेरे 

बस इस बात से डरता है दिल 

कभीं ज़िन्दगी यूँ ही खाख न हो जाये 

और कोई न हो साथ मेरे....