LOVE is not FAIR

I don't know what to do
You like me and I like you
But somehow you’re with him
You say it’s been awhile
And he's serious with you
But do you love him?
Does he love you?
Like I do?
I don't know what to do
I don't want you to feel pressured
But I don't see how it's fair
When you like me
And I like you

So that's why i say

LOVE is not FAIR

Neither to me

Nor to you...

True Love is Really Hard to Find........

I often say to myself that i am going to start looking for love again or will i get a "True Love" again ? But every time same thing happens when i search it without giving it a chance to find me. "True Love" is indeed very hard to find in life, but what i feel is that is because it is not meant to be found. I think i don't have the power to control it when this powerful force of true love came into my life. I feel love is not that kind of emotion. It's wild, exciting, uncontrollable, irresistible, unmanageable, dense, free, frantic, freaking awesome, indocile, indomitable, insuppressible, intractable, irrepressible, lawless, like a loose cannon, mad, obstinate, recalcitrant, strong, savage, uncontainable, undisciplinable, undisciplined, ungovernable, unmanageable, unrestrainable, unruly, violent........ But it wants to find me! That's what make it unique and in form and oh so challenging.

Most of the times when i look for something i never find it. But, when i am NOT looking for it...it seems to be staring at me right there in my face. That is how the cycle of my life works for some odd reasons. Mostly people find love when they are not looking for it or not trying to get it. In most of the movies and love stories, people talk about how they were going about routines in life or business when all of a sudden they happened to meet something whom they ended up being 'the one'. The never went out looking or searching, it just happened by change. I don't feel the same way because it never happened with me.

Again, this True Love can be a powerful force. I strongly feel that it has a mind of its own. Something I believe to be very potent. It really has the power to bring people together in most unlikely situations, but can also tear them apart if jealousy or obsession creeps in. It could bring out the worst and the best in us all, or cause us to do crazy things we didn't image ourselves doing. I seriously don't wanna scare anyone buy I'm sure some of us may have a story or two that we could always sit around and share.

True love had found me once. I met this girl years back, she was so sweet. She would do anything and everything to make me happy, but i was not ready for her. She wanted to build a life long relationship. This girl was so loving and caring and was everything a man could dream of! She seemed to have so much patience with me and how stubborn I was at times that it completely blew me away. I was honestly so stupid at that time. I thought to myself now "How could she put up with me, and manage to stick by my side?" "No matter what i say of do, she never gets mad or argue one bit." Then one day she told me that she really love me a lot. She wanted to marry me, and assumed I felt the same way. During that time something very tragic happened with me and i lost all my confidence and was out of my mind. So i think it was too early for me to accept all this. I was not really ready for all this. All i could say was that i really, really cared for her, but i was not able to commit. Yes, i truly loved her but not "in love." And one day i quit. The worst ever thing i could do to myself was this. I could tell that she was hurt from the tears in her eyes. All i could say was this girl is in love for real. I still feel bad, feel like a criminal, cursed for breaking her heart, but i still don't know was it was the right thing to do or was it not ? because if i had lied saying i felt the same, it would only be pretending which was not fair to her or her heart. But maybe if i would have shared everything with her at that moment and have discussed with her what i was going through might be today my days would have been something else as they are off now. I still sit sometimes all alone and feel and think "Kaash woh mere sath hoti". But no she is gone.  She must have been with me in my life. So, because of my one fault and stupidity i lost my "True Love" and never found it again in my life. Compromising at every step is now a part of my life.

Overall, what i feel is that true love can come when you least expect it. You don't have to go looking for it because it will find you at the right time and at the right place. That is God's plan. Sometimes, it's better to let it find you because if you try to hard, you may find yourself in a fucked up situation. When you become anxious and impatient you end up selling yourself short. Everyone has there own time for love. Don't compare yourself to your friends or your buddies. Take your time and do thing right is what i feel. Go about your life and live it the best way you can. You'll attrach love when you simply do what you need to do and stay focused. But when it does find you, and it will, Smile Brightly inside saying to yourself....."What took you so long, I've been expecting you!".......Much love and remember to keep your faith in your True Love and always "Keep it trustful, erotic, playful, lustful, sexful and SEXIIIIIIII!!!!!"

I Am Yours

Do you want to close your eyes ?
and welcome every new sensation ?
Do you want me to regain
all your strength,to let you dive
in this purely beautiful game...
I am in you and you like every move
I give to serve you.
You are whispering my name
and I soon will end this
far from alright too hard time
you need to slowly cum.
I will welcome
your first tears
your first shivers
as you shout
that all your fears
are forgotten
and at last
you are mine -
and I am yours.

Where ?

Where were you when I couldn’t sleep
Where were you when I couldn’t eat
Where were you when my heart died
Where were you when my eyes cried
The rain of my tears, cleansed my bleeding heart stains
The pen on the paper, delivered me from the games
Where were you through the drills
Where were you through the shakes and the chills
Where were you when I went through withdrawal
Where were you when I was curled up like a ball
The dark shielded my eyes, caused sleep
The sonnets released my pain, gave relief
Where were you, after breaking my heart?
Where were you, after tearing me apart?
Where were you? Unearthed? Found?
And what do you want from me now?

Now i always feel she will ask me this
But

Where is she when i feel all this
Where is she when i feel this wish
Where is she when my heart calls her
Where is she when my tears falls for her
Where is she when i want to love her better
Where is she when i will care for every matter
Where is she when i want to hold her closer
Where is she when i want to surrender
Where is she when i want to give commitments
Where is she when i want her passion
Where is she when i now needs compassion
Where is she ? Where is she ?

Will I ?

Will I embarrass you if I ask if I could make love to you?
I will lay you down on a bed of rose petals made just for us two

Will I cause you to blush as I remove your clothes?
I will look you in the eyes, and then kiss you on your nose

Will I cause you to close your eyes when I kiss your lips?
I will pull you real close, my hands holding your hips

Will I cause you to shiver as I kiss you from head to feet?
I will pause for a moment at intervals, to admire your beauty and greet

Will I cause you to tremble as I taste the essences of your love?
I will create a synergy between our worlds as I release and free your dove

Questions I am asking because this is what I want to do
Make love to you all day and night, with unbridled passion that is true...

Please Stay

Now you will think that what has happened to me in this very first day of the new year. Have i gone wild,dirty and insane ? So its right here that I’ve been struggling with the muses for years now, and last night I forced myself to mess with words until I had something. It’s not much, but it’s not nothing either. And this first day of this new year is what i felt the right moment to express myself so that this year i would have more dreams - hopefully with....

Fingers too twitchy
to put keys to keyboard
wanting to dig 'deep'
into your flesh
typed with impressions
bruises of grip

Body too tense
to vocalize desire
wanting to pierce
to cum into you
the totality of
my need

Word-deserted
I speak instead
with concussions
The sharp sound
of bodies
in impact

Read what I can’t write
Hear what I can’t say
And stay

Please Stay

The Endless Search

Literally love this poem which i read some tym back.  It comes under erotic poetry and i am seriously a big fan of this kind of erotic writing. Hats off to the poet's vision, thought, the depth over sex, love and eroticness in human life.

Seeing myself as some integral part
of  all that looks to love as a solution,
aching to find significance of the heart
and puzzled by its threatened dissolution.

Trying to preserve the present  wastes
our time and effort.  Change isn’t tradable,
whether  memories  of a lover’s tastes
or  his desire for you,  it’s not evadable.

In our city’s waste of streets and houses
huddling  behind our walls and fences
we miss the presence of  our hoped for spouses
cut off from love by our own  defences.

Yet there’s a need that can not be denied
as each one needs to find a mate
a lover or a mistress from outside,
to end the loneliness of staying celibate.

तेरी गुलाब की पंखुडियां...

आज तक महकती हैं
तेरे दिए गुलाब की कलियाँ
मेरे अंतरंग अंतर्मन में
खुलती हथेलियों में
जब गुलाब की पंखुडियां
अलसाई सी आंख खोलती हैं
तब मदमाती, लहराती,
मदहोश कर जाती 
महकती गुलाब की भीनी सुगंधी सी 
तू आती है
हर सांझ
बनते हैं कई किरदार मेरी कल्पनाओं में
बनते हैं, बिगड़ते हैं
रह जाती है तू
और वही
तेरी गुलाब की पंखुडियां...

उस दिन

उस रोज़
इन गुलाबों की महक यूँ न होगी
तेरी शोख हंसी की खनक यूँ न होगी
ख्वाबों से भरे दो नैनों की चमक यूँ न होगी
तितलियों सा रंग तेरा यूँ न होगा
तेरी मीठी बोली की चहक यूँ न होगी
अल्हड़ इस जवानी की छनक यूँ न होगी
उस दिन
स्याह से सफ़ेद बालों का सफ़र यहाँ होगा
चमकते चेहरे का झुर्रियों से सामना होगा
और यह तेज़ कदम कुछ सुस्त होंगे
उस दिन 
मगर उन झुर्रियों में भी यही नूर होगा
ढलती आँखों में भी इस इश्क का यही सुरूर होगा
शायद यह सपना मेरा तभी आबाद होगा
सांझ ढले मेरे हाथों में तेरा हाथ होगा
तेरा मेरा ये साथ यह अब जन्मों का साथ होगा.....
तेरा मेरा ये साथ यह अब जन्मों का साथ होगा.....

You Taught Me

Just sitting idle and was enjoying reading some poetry. There i came across this poem full of romance and emotions. Rather than i should say some true and very rare emotions that are not found in today's world. I hope that it will make you think about your thinking about love too...

I wanted a mansion once... that is until I met you,
Now the only place I want to live is inside your heart
I once desired diamonds... until I met you,
Now the only sparkle I need comes from within
I used to crave the finest clothing... until I met you,
Now I want not a single thread to separate our bodies
I once coveted a fancy car... until I met you,
Now I want nothing that would put miles between us
I once prayed for money... until I met you,
Now I want none of the things money can buy
I once yearned for a sense of security... until I met you,
Now my only security comes is knowing you are near
I once dreamt of a prestigious job... until I met you,
Now I find my success in knowing that you are happy
I once asked for the world on a silver platter... until I met you,
Now you are my world and I want for nothing but your touch
Loving you has been my teacher; you taught me not to want
Being with you has been my discovery; you are all that I need
Finding you has been my salvation, I now understand grateful
But perhaps of most importantly...
Your love in return has been my everything

- Teresa Weimer -

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे

दिल धड़कता था जिसके नाम से

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे

सांसें चलती थी जिसके दम से 

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे

आँखें चमकती थी जिसके नूर से 

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे 

ज़िन्दगी जिंदा दिल थी जिसकी रूमानियत से

अब वो नहीं है साथ मेरे 

कुछ तो ऐसा हुआ जो 

आज कोई नहीं है साथ मेरे 

बस इस बात से डरता है दिल 

कभीं ज़िन्दगी यूँ ही खाख न हो जाये 

और कोई न हो साथ मेरे....

She - The Source of all inspirations in my life :)

One day i just thought of writing something for her. So just gave it a thought and scribbled something for her. Hope she will like it. I don't know if i am wrong or right but whatever i have written is just from the depth of my heart and its mixed with all those feeling that i felt after she told me the truth. I can't define her in words rather i must say that there are no more words in the dictionary that can define her and her love but just can try by saying this much that she is simply and truly lovable, admirable, angelic, charismatic, inviting, darling, appealing, presentable, flattering, delicious, dreamy, heavenly, lucious, sexy, suave, fascinating, incredible, marvelous, irresistable, prodigious, alluring, classy, delicate, attractive, alarming, graceful, beauteous, gorgeous, pretty, glamorous, devoted, seductive, emotional, skillful, provocative, smart, enchanting, delightful, homely, enjoyable, passionate, rare, subtle, soft, affectionate, respectable, tempting, stunning, astonishing, breathtaking, impressive, magnificent, mind-blowing, wonderful, lovely, pleasing, awesome, ravishing, sentimental, tasty, wondrous, tender, winning, pulchritudinous, cherishing, magnetizing, pleasant, nice, wild, sublime, lusty, worshiped, pleasing, delightful, amazing, adorable, honest, healthy, tolerable, patienceful, splendid, ideal, statuesque, wonderful, .....!!! human personality i would ever know on this earth...don't know what else to write here so ..... the words are less but not the least so that's it for now :)

She is kind
The only angel i can find
She is bold
With that 'Goddess' soul
She is hot
Like a volcanic pot
She is cold
Like those antarctic icey molds 
She is sweet
Like the choclates i eat
She is sour
Like an old wine i love to pour
She has all the salt
That makes me love her without any fault
She is pure addiction
That i can't cure
She has all the beauty
That love can hold
She has all the colors
A rainbow can show
She has all the love
That it needs to grow
She has all the notes
A song can sing
She has all the depth
An ocean can bring
The prettiest feeling
Ever on earth is loving She
The softest cushion
You feel is She
She makes life like
Starry skies with shining moon
Dipped in She's
Shining mesmerizing eyes
The warm tug
Here and there you feel
The power to do and
The power to heel
She becomes
The desire to live
She becomes
The desire to give
The most passionate
Feeling ever on earth
Is the desire to give
And the desire to love you She ?
So 'Love Me' but
With Sincerity, Devotion and Purity
Be your love stand by you and shine
Always remaining
Honest, True and Divine...

Maybe i can't speak this much when she is in front of me and stay speechless but in my scribbles can say a lot more than i can even dream of with open eyes. I can't say anything else now. This just concludes my day for today :)

क्या जवाब दूं तेरे सवाल का ?

क्या जवाब दूं तेरे सवाल का

मैं तो खुद ही सवाल बन गया 

हर वक़्त पूछता खुद से हूँ 

क्या मैं वोह रहा ? जो मैं था भला 

क्या जवाब दूं तेरे सवाल का ?

तेरी नज़रों में रहा वही सदा

एक दोस्त, दिलबर या एक हमनवा 

मेरी नजरों में, मैं हूँ क्या भला ?

यह तो मुझ कोई भी अब नहीं पता 

क्या जवाब दूं तेरे सवाल का ?

तेरी इनायतों का शुक्रिया

जो इंसान मुझको  समझ लिया 

क्यों मुझ से दिल लगाके यूं

ज़िन्दगी जलाये है तू 

क्या जवाब दूं तेरे सवाल का ?

भूल गया

तेरे वादे, तेरे जज़्बात 

तेरी यादें, तेरी बातें 

तेरे शिक़वे, तेरी शिकायतें 

सब कुछ लौटना भूल गया 

मैंने जाने की जल्दी में 

मिलकर जाना भूल गया

बिखरा तनहा बढ़ रहा था 

मैंने बर्बादी के रस्ते पर 

सूनी आँखों से टाक रही वोह 

बेबस मुझको मुड मुड कर 

उससे कहना था इतना कुछ 

पर कुछ भी कहना भूल गया 

दर्द तेरे दिल में भी उतना

जितना मेरे दिल में था

पर हंसती आँखों से मैंने 

अश्कों को पीना सीख लिया 

वक़्त-ए-रुक्सत पूछ रहा था 

मेरी आँखें आँचल से 

मेरा ग़म था इतना ज्यादा 

मैं खुद ही रोना भूल गया

काश तुम आते तो !

तुम आते तो, हवाओं में एक नशा होता 

तुम आते तो, घटाओं का सा समां होता

तुम आते तो , आसमान भी बदगुमां होता

तुम आते तो, ज़मीन पर भी गुलिस्तां होता 

तुम आते तो, मंज़र ख़ुशनुमा होता 

काश तुम आते तो !

तुम आते तो, दीवाने हम हो जाते

तुम आते तो, मुस्कराते और खो जाते 

तुम आते तो, दर्द-ओ-ग़म भूल जाते 

तुम आते तो, प्यास क्या है बताता

तुम आते तो, हाल-ए-दिल कह जाते 

काश तुम आते तो !

तुम आते तो, एक उम्मीद भी आती 

तुम आते तो, ज़िन्दगी खुशियों से भर जाती 

तुम आते तो, हर पल रौनकें छा जातीं 

तुम आते तो, नई राहें खुल जातीं 

तुम आते तो, नए ख्वाब बुन जाते

काश तुम आते तो !

तुम आते तो, मैं और भी बहुत कुछ कह पाता

तुम आते तो, सपनो को हकीक़त कर पाता 

तुम आते तो, कुछ और नई शरारतें कर पाता 

तुम आते तो, खुद से ही बेख़बर हो जाता 

तुम आते तो, ज़िन्दगी चंद लम्हों में जी जाता

काश तुम आते तो !

गुज़रा हुआ ज़माना

आता है याद मुझको 

फ़क़त गुज़रा हुआ ज़माना

वोह जाफ़रानी खुशबू से 

दिलों का महक जाना 
असर के आसमान पर 
परिंदों का चेह्चहाना 
[ फ़क़त - merely; ]

फुर्सत-ए-क़ार  से बेख़बर
अंदाज़-ए-शाही था मैं परवाना 
अपनी ख़ुशी से हँसना 
अपनी ख़ुशी से गुनगुनाना 
[ फुर्सत-ए-क़ार - work; अंदाज़-ए-शाही - royal attitude; ]


जब लगा था ज़ख्म दिल पर 
याद अगया वो दीवाना 
मेरे अश्क-ए-दिल घावों पर 
गुलिस्तान का मुस्कराना 
[ अश्क-ए-दिल - heartless; ]

वोह वजाहत-ए-हुस्न से सूरत 
वोह संगेमरमर सी खूबसूरत
आबाद उसकी रौनाकों से था
मेरे जुनू-ए-आशिकाना 
[ वजाहत - dignity, respect, and beauty; ]

आता है याद मुझको 

फ़क़त गुज़रा हुआ ज़माना

लिखता रहता हूँ

दिलों को पढ़ता
धडकनों को सुनता रहता हूँ
मैं भी कैसी कैसी तकरीरें
लिखता रहता हूँ

माज़ी की गलियों में
एक अस्क को देखा करता हूँ
तेरे मिलने की खुशफ़हमी
लिखता रहता हूँ

सभी साए अब
पेड़ों जैसे लगते हैं
और आहों को शाखें
लिखता रहता हूँ

तेरा दिल रखने के
मंतर भूल गया
आड़ी तिरछी हरकतें
लिखता रहता हूँ

तुझको ग़म देकर
मुझको क्या करना है
तेरे नाम यह नगमें
लिखता रहता हूँ

तेरी जुल्फों के साए
ध्यान में रहते हैं
तेरे जिस्म की खुशबू
लिखता रहता हूँ

तेरी नज़रें जैसे
फ़जर की ठंडक हैं
मैं सुबहों की शामें
लिखता रहता हूँ

तेरे इश्क के फूलों
से महकती राहों में
दुनिया की दीवारें
लिखता रहता हूँ

तुझसे मिलकर
अपना दर्द बतलाऊंगा
जुदाई के सारे किस्से
लिखता रहता हूँ

तडपाना तरसाना
ज़ख्म जुदाई के
तेरी यह सौगातें
लिखता रहता हूँ

तू भी आकर देख
मेरा हद से गुज़ारना
पल पल का मरना मैं
लिखता रहता हूँ

शायद तू समझे
शिददत-ए-जज़बातों को
मैं रातों की तन्हाई
लिखता रहता हूँ

मेंरी भीगी पलकें
खिलती रहती हैं
जब तक ऐसी यादें
लिखता रहता हूँ

एक मुलाकात

एक तपिश सी थी
थोडा खौफ़ भी था
गुज़रे लाम्हातों की ताजगी थी
उमंगें थी
डर भी था
माज़ी के एहसास भी थे
सैकड़ों सवाल भी थे
धड़कने तेज़
बहुत तेज़ भी थी
जब तुमको

एक ज़माने के बाद

उस दिन छुआ था
तुम्हारी गर्म साँसों
को महसूस भी किया था
तुम्हारे दिल में
जो सवालों का सैलाब था
उसका अंदाज़ा भी था
एहसास था मुझको
के अब
अंजना - बेगाना
हो गया हूँ मैं
पर शायद
दिलों में चिंगारी
अभी भी बाक़ी थी
इससे पहले के हो जाते खाख
तुमने झटक दिया मेरा हाथ
अपने कंधे से
सोचा था दो पल शायद
साथ रहेंगे
उस अँधेरे गलियारे में
कुछ बात कहेंगे
गिले शिकवे मिटा लेंगे
अपने मन फिर मिला लेंगे

बस यही सोच लिए

खोया रहा हर पल
और न जाने कब
रौशनी से सामना हो गया ...

ख़्वाब

हर शब् आते रहे
बहके महके ख़्वाब
ज़हन में
तुम्हारा आवा दरफ्त
जारी रहा
बेचैन दिल में
सन्नाटे का शोर
चीख चीख कर
कहता रहा
क्यों देखता है ख़्वाब
इस नींद के खुमार में
कुछ सोच कर
जब वापस गया
तो सारे ख़्वाब
टूट चुके थे
खो गए थे
काली रात के अंधियारे में
बिस्तर की सिलवटों में
तकिये पर सर रख कर
'निर्जन' फिर से खो गया
एक नए ख़्वाब के
इंतज़ार में ....

ज़िन्दगी क्या है

उसके जाने के बाद

ज़िन्दगी क्या है 

समझ आ गया 

खुशियाँ उन्ही से हैं 

जो अपने हैं 

एक छोटी सी बात पर

मुह फुला कर

गुस्से में 

मैंने कुछ बोल दिया

उसने भी उस बात को 

इतना बड़ा बना कर

बेकार मोल दिया

किसकी गलती ?

कौन जाने 

बस नज़र बाट जोहती है 

शायद कोई दस्तक दे कभी 

मेरे दरवाज़े पर 

और क्या कहूँ ? 

क्या लिखूं ?

क्या करूँ ?

किस से बात करूँ ?

आस पास भीड़ है बहुत 

पर फिर भी रह गया हूँ अकेला

थक गया हूँ 

रोज़ खुद ही से 

लड़ते लड़ते 

उसके बिना ज़िन्दगी के पल भी अधूरे हैं 

उसके बिना प्याले भर चाय में भी मिठास कहाँ 

जब वोह होगी सामने तो ज़िन्दगी कट जाएगी 

न भी हो तो 'निर्जन'

एक दिन तेरी 

मौत पर तो ज़रूर 

तशरीफ़ लाएगी 

ज़रूर लाएगी ......