सोमवार, जनवरी 16, 2012

True Love is Really Hard to Find........

I often say to myself that i am going to start looking for love again or will i get a "True Love" again ? But every time same thing happens when i search it without giving it a chance to find me. "True Love" is indeed very hard to find in life, but what i feel is that is because it is not meant to be found. I think i don't have the power to control it when this powerful force of true love came into my life. I feel love is not that kind of emotion. It's wild, exciting, uncontrollable, irresistible, unmanageable, dense, free, frantic, freaking awesome, indocile, indomitable, insuppressible, intractable, irrepressible, lawless, like a loose cannon, mad, obstinate, recalcitrant, strong, savage, uncontainable, undisciplinable, undisciplined, ungovernable, unmanageable, unrestrainable, unruly, violent........ But it wants to find me! That's what make it unique and in form and oh so challenging.

Most of the times when i look for something i never find it. But, when i am NOT looking for it...it seems to be staring at me right there in my face. That is how the cycle of my life works for some odd reasons. Mostly people find love when they are not looking for it or not trying to get it. In most of the movies and love stories, people talk about how they were going about routines in life or business when all of a sudden they happened to meet something whom they ended up being 'the one'. The never went out looking or searching, it just happened by change. I don't feel the same way because it never happened with me.

Again, this True Love can be a powerful force. I strongly feel that it has a mind of its own. Something I believe to be very potent. It really has the power to bring people together in most unlikely situations, but can also tear them apart if jealousy or obsession creeps in. It could bring out the worst and the best in us all, or cause us to do crazy things we didn't image ourselves doing. I seriously don't wanna scare anyone buy I'm sure some of us may have a story or two that we could always sit around and share.

True love had found me once. I met this girl years back, she was so sweet. She would do anything and everything to make me happy, but i was not ready for her. She wanted to build a life long relationship. This girl was so loving and caring and was everything a man could dream of! She seemed to have so much patience with me and how stubborn I was at times that it completely blew me away. I was honestly so stupid at that time. I thought to myself now "How could she put up with me, and manage to stick by my side?" "No matter what i say of do, she never gets mad or argue one bit." Then one day she told me that she really love me a lot. She wanted to marry me, and assumed I felt the same way. During that time something very tragic happened with me and i lost all my confidence and was out of my mind. So i think it was too early for me to accept all this. I was not really ready for all this. All i could say was that i really, really cared for her, but i was not able to commit. Yes, i truly loved her but not "in love." And one day i quit. The worst ever thing i could do to myself was this. I could tell that she was hurt from the tears in her eyes. All i could say was this girl is in love for real. I still feel bad, feel like a criminal, cursed for breaking her heart, but i still don't know was it was the right thing to do or was it not ? because if i had lied saying i felt the same, it would only be pretending which was not fair to her or her heart. But maybe if i would have shared everything with her at that moment and have discussed with her what i was going through might be today my days would have been something else as they are off now. I still sit sometimes all alone and feel and think "Kaash woh mere sath hoti". But no she is gone.  She must have been with me in my life. So, because of my one fault and stupidity i lost my "True Love" and never found it again in my life. Compromising at every step is now a part of my life.

Overall, what i feel is that true love can come when you least expect it. You don't have to go looking for it because it will find you at the right time and at the right place. That is God's plan. Sometimes, it's better to let it find you because if you try to hard, you may find yourself in a fucked up situation. When you become anxious and impatient you end up selling yourself short. Everyone has there own time for love. Don't compare yourself to your friends or your buddies. Take your time and do thing right is what i feel. Go about your life and live it the best way you can. You'll attrach love when you simply do what you need to do and stay focused. But when it does find you, and it will, Smile Brightly inside saying to yourself....."What took you so long, I've been expecting you!".......Much love and remember to keep your faith in your True Love and always "Keep it trustful, erotic, playful, lustful, sexful and SEXIIIIIIII!!!!!"

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