सोमवार, जनवरी 16, 2012

True Love is Really Hard to Find........

I often say to myself that i am going to start looking for love again or will i get a "True Love" again ? But every time same thing happens when i search it without giving it a chance to find me. "True Love" is indeed very hard to find in life, but what i feel is that is because it is not meant to be found. I think i don't have the power to control it when this powerful force of true love came into my life. I feel love is not that kind of emotion. It's wild, exciting, uncontrollable, irresistible, unmanageable, dense, free, frantic, freaking awesome, indocile, indomitable, insuppressible, intractable, irrepressible, lawless, like a loose cannon, mad, obstinate, recalcitrant, strong, savage, uncontainable, undisciplinable, undisciplined, ungovernable, unmanageable, unrestrainable, unruly, violent........ But it wants to find me! That's what make it unique and in form and oh so challenging.

Most of the times when i look for something i never find it. But, when i am NOT looking for it...it seems to be staring at me right there in my face. That is how the cycle of my life works for some odd reasons. Mostly people find love when they are not looking for it or not trying to get it. In most of the movies and love stories, people talk about how they were going about routines in life or business when all of a sudden they happened to meet something whom they ended up being 'the one'. The never went out looking or searching, it just happened by change. I don't feel the same way because it never happened with me.

Again, this True Love can be a powerful force. I strongly feel that it has a mind of its own. Something I believe to be very potent. It really has the power to bring people together in most unlikely situations, but can also tear them apart if jealousy or obsession creeps in. It could bring out the worst and the best in us all, or cause us to do crazy things we didn't image ourselves doing. I seriously don't wanna scare anyone buy I'm sure some of us may have a story or two that we could always sit around and share.

True love had found me once. I met this girl years back, she was so sweet. She would do anything and everything to make me happy, but i was not ready for her. She wanted to build a life long relationship. This girl was so loving and caring and was everything a man could dream of! She seemed to have so much patience with me and how stubborn I was at times that it completely blew me away. I was honestly so stupid at that time. I thought to myself now "How could she put up with me, and manage to stick by my side?" "No matter what i say of do, she never gets mad or argue one bit." Then one day she told me that she really love me a lot. She wanted to marry me, and assumed I felt the same way. During that time something very tragic happened with me and i lost all my confidence and was out of my mind. So i think it was too early for me to accept all this. I was not really ready for all this. All i could say was that i really, really cared for her, but i was not able to commit. Yes, i truly loved her but not "in love." And one day i quit. The worst ever thing i could do to myself was this. I could tell that she was hurt from the tears in her eyes. All i could say was this girl is in love for real. I still feel bad, feel like a criminal, cursed for breaking her heart, but i still don't know was it was the right thing to do or was it not ? because if i had lied saying i felt the same, it would only be pretending which was not fair to her or her heart. But maybe if i would have shared everything with her at that moment and have discussed with her what i was going through might be today my days would have been something else as they are off now. I still sit sometimes all alone and feel and think "Kaash woh mere sath hoti". But no she is gone.  She must have been with me in my life. So, because of my one fault and stupidity i lost my "True Love" and never found it again in my life. Compromising at every step is now a part of my life.

Overall, what i feel is that true love can come when you least expect it. You don't have to go looking for it because it will find you at the right time and at the right place. That is God's plan. Sometimes, it's better to let it find you because if you try to hard, you may find yourself in a fucked up situation. When you become anxious and impatient you end up selling yourself short. Everyone has there own time for love. Don't compare yourself to your friends or your buddies. Take your time and do thing right is what i feel. Go about your life and live it the best way you can. You'll attrach love when you simply do what you need to do and stay focused. But when it does find you, and it will, Smile Brightly inside saying to yourself....."What took you so long, I've been expecting you!".......Much love and remember to keep your faith in your True Love and always "Keep it trustful, erotic, playful, lustful, sexful and SEXIIIIIIII!!!!!"

I Am Yours

Do you want to close your eyes ?
and welcome every new sensation ?
Do you want me to regain
all your strength,to let you dive
in this purely beautiful game...
I am in you and you like every move
I give to serve you.
You are whispering my name
and I soon will end this
far from alright too hard time
you need to slowly cum.
I will welcome
your first tears
your first shivers
as you shout
that all your fears
are forgotten
and at last
you are mine -
and I am yours.

Little Personal Paradise

Sometimes I like to sit in the dark
in the quiet
and just think
let my mind wander
away from life as it is
to what it can be
to cast aside responsibilities
just for a time
and ease into the place
that makes me happy
smiling inside and out
to smell the fresh air
or sip some beer
some dryfruits
rajma chawal
feeling those exotic dreams
i see
a movie or porn with popcorn
or namkeen
as it blows my worries away
leaving me
bare, exposed, unapologetic, free
in my own little personal paradise

रविवार, जनवरी 01, 2012

Where ?

Where were you when I couldn’t sleep
Where were you when I couldn’t eat
Where were you when my heart died
Where were you when my eyes cried
The rain of my tears, cleansed my bleeding heart stains
The pen on the paper, delivered me from the games
Where were you through the drills
Where were you through the shakes and the chills
Where were you when I went through withdrawal
Where were you when I was curled up like a ball
The dark shielded my eyes, caused sleep
The sonnets released my pain, gave relief
Where were you, after breaking my heart?
Where were you, after tearing me apart?
Where were you? Unearthed? Found?
And what do you want from me now?

Now i always feel she will ask me this

Where is she when i feel all this
Where is she when i feel this wish
Where is she when my heart calls her
Where is she when my tears falls for her
Where is she when i want to love her better
Where is she when i will care for every matter
Where is she when i want to hold her closer
Where is she when i want to surrender
Where is she when i want to give commitments
Where is she when i want her passion
Where is she when i now needs compassion
Where is she ? Where is she ?

Will I ?

Will I embarrass you if I ask if I could make love to you?
I will lay you down on a bed of rose petals made just for us two

Will I cause you to blush as I remove your clothes?
I will look you in the eyes, and then kiss you on your nose

Will I cause you to close your eyes when I kiss your lips?
I will pull you real close, my hands holding your hips

Will I cause you to shiver as I kiss you from head to feet?
I will pause for a moment at intervals, to admire your beauty and greet

Will I cause you to tremble as I taste the essences of your love?
I will create a synergy between our worlds as I release and free your dove

Questions I am asking because this is what I want to do
Make love to you all day and night, with unbridled passion that is true...

Please Stay

Now you will think that what has happened to me in this very first day of the new year. Have i gone wild,dirty and insane ? So its right here that I’ve been struggling with the muses for years now, and last night I forced myself to mess with words until I had something. It’s not much, but it’s not nothing either. And this first day of this new year is what i felt the right moment to express myself so that this year i would have more dreams - hopefully with....

Fingers too twitchy
to put keys to keyboard
wanting to dig 'deep'
into your flesh
typed with impressions
bruises of grip

Body too tense
to vocalize desire
wanting to pierce
to cum into you
the totality of
my need

I speak instead
with concussions
The sharp sound
of bodies
in impact

Read what I can’t write
Hear what I can’t say
And stay

Please Stay

The Endless Search

Literally love this poem which i read some tym back.  It comes under erotic poetry and i am seriously a big fan of this kind of erotic writing. Hats off to the poet's vision, thought, the depth over sex, love and eroticness in human life.

Seeing myself as some integral part
of  all that looks to love as a solution,
aching to find significance of the heart
and puzzled by its threatened dissolution.
Trying to preserve the present  wastes
our time and effort.  Change isn’t tradable,
whether  memories  of a lover’s tastes
or  his desire for you,  it’s not evadable.
In our city’s waste of streets and houses
huddling  behind our walls and fences
we miss the presence of  our hoped for spouses
cut off from love by our own  defences.
Yet there’s a need that can not be denied
as each one needs to find a mate
a lover or a mistress from outside,
to end the loneliness of staying celibate.